Kamala the Chonk and The Disgruntled's Real Secondary Champion: Part 5

*List comprised on 7/29/20. Introduction started on August 6, 2020.

There is not much going on in my life. There is not much going on outside my life to get me overly angry either. I suppose that should piss me off. If nothing is going on, how the fuck is COVID-19 still a thing?

I guess to complain about maskholes just seems like beating a dead nursing home resident. Please do not get upset at that simile. Some of my best relatives died in assisted living facilities.

That was an awkward paragraph. Was it wise to play a distasteful joke followed by a parallel to I am not racist? As I said before my last list that will end up on The Disgruntled's Real Championship Wrestling blog, I need to find a writing partner.

If you want to help with rewrites for my zombie versus indie wrestler B-Movie, "Main Event of the Dead", drop me an email at my dark web listed email address, russthebus07@gmail.com.

But going back to sweet old people, I have a coworker who was talking about the ones they would like to adopt as a grandparent. This makes me think I am not that sentimental when it comes to being a grand-orphan. Because this coworker is also a feline fanatic, I had to ask:

 Can grandma be a chonk?

Kamala - robschamberger.com

I suppose they should have the right to be. If you were truly morbidly obese, you would not make it to senior status. Your legs are going to shit anyhow, so why worry about the diabetes? Amputation is probably cheaper than knee replacement. It would sure be simpler.

This is a wrestling blog, so some might say I am being overly insensitive. Kamala is a double amputee and it could because of his dedication to his monster gimmick. To that I say, would he rather have been Giant Haystacks or Haystacks Calhoun? In my experience, about any physical pain can be lived with. As long as you are enjoying life, waking up the next day is not that bad.

As for me, the idea of having a prosthetic below my left thigh sounds good. I live in America of course, so getting my PCL or LCL in my knee repaired does not sound affordable (2011 wrestling injury). My left ankle was either broken or has a destroyed Achilles (2002 wrestling injury). If it was not for the phantom limb syndrome, bring on the titanium.

If both calves were worn out, you could just take the Cotton Hill resolution. When you have made it to middle age as a short man, who cares about another foot.

Blog Update, August 10, 2020:

Sadly, I did not account for COVID-19 and pre-existing conditions leading to a greater mortality rate. Being a diabetic, worry is something that I should have until we get a vaccine. If anything, this proves that the big man is not a chonk because cats can only carry the disease.

Humor is my defense mechanism, and I do not mean to offend the family of James "Sugar Bear" Harris. He is a legend and this blog was a an attempt at a humorous way of saying that I am glad he was still with us, provided he was still enjoying being alive. The point was, as long as we keep rolling with the punches, what is there to worry about. When you cannot, then you are in trouble. At least it was fate that stopped Kamala, not himself.

Discussing fat wrestlers ends up being ironic when it comes to the main purpose of this blog. After reviewing it, we ended up having six years of no super heavyweights. Well, there is Sheamus who is two pounds over the MMA heavyweight limit, but the man is a specimen not an immovable object. Between 2013 and 2020, the only thick secondary champions who come to immediate mind are Rusev, Samoa Joe, and Braun Strowman. None of them are the shape of a Big Van Vader or King Kong Bundy.

The lack of fat champs might indicate that pro-wrestling may have become the sole realm of the fit. AEW does not have any threats from a physics standpoint (Force=mass time momentum, right?). Impact has a few, but the promotion is also forever behind the times. If Bullet Club was not originally about the gaijins, would there be a place for Bad Luck Fale? He does not move like Keith Lee.

Now I am kind of depressed that the sport has grown up and away from the likes of the One Man Gang and Rikishi. The sport needs a WIDE variety of gimmicks, and this list seems to disagree.

The 91st Disgruntled's Real Grand-Slam Champion

(Intercontinental/United States/Television/X Division):

WWE United States Champion Matt Hardy (4/27/08 to 7/20/08)

The 92nd Disgruntled's Real Grand-Slam Champion:

WWE Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston (1) (7/20/08 to 8/17/08)

The United States Championship had become an ECW exclusive, so that pretty much downgraded it. If Vince McMahon thought highly of the title, it would have been showcased on a Monday or Thursday.

The 93rd Disgruntled's Real Grand-Slam Champion:

WWE United States Champion Shelton Benjamin (2) (8/17/08 to 3/17/2009)

It did not take Vince McMahon too long to realize that he cared for ECW less than a WCW heirloom. Benjamin won the title and brought it to Smackdown in the process. Kingston lost his title to the developing comedy act, Santino Marella, when his team was defeated for his title in a mixed-tag match.

The 94th Disgruntled's Real Grand-Slam Champion:

WWE United States Champion MVP (2) (3/17/09 to 6/1/09)

A.J. Styles would win the TNA Legends Championship, but since he was the only person who wore the title that is not currently in the WWE Hall of Fame, I do not thing we can add that title to this lineage (Kevin Nash and Mick Foley would feud over the title, 10 years removed from their pinnacles.). The TNA X Division Championship was held by Suicide from the TNA Impact video game.

The 95th Disgruntled's Real Grand-Slam Champion:

WWE United States Kofi Kingston (2) (6/1/09 to 10/5/09)

The 96th Disgruntled's Real Grand-Slam Champion:

WWE Intercontinental Champion John Morrison (2) (10/5/09 to 12/13/09)

The Miz would have a long reign only to lose it to a 52-year old stroke survivor, Bret Hart.

The 97th Disgruntled's Real Grand-Slam Champion:

TNA X Division Champion Amazing Red (2) (10/5/09 to 1/28/2010)

The Intercontinental Championship was going to be held up for the unsuccessful angle to prove Drew McIntyre was the chosen one. Red had to defeat Samoa Joe

The 98th Disgruntled's Real Grand-Slam Champion:

WWE United States Champion The Miz (1/28/10 to 5/17/10)

Like all great heels, The Miz is so punchable. Thus, it takes forever for them to lose their title, like the Honky Tonk Man.

The 99th Disgruntled's Real Five-Star Champion:

ROH Television Champion Eddie Edwards (5/17/10 to 12/10/10)

Vince McMahon's pen is not a heel, so I am not going to give an angle this title. Bret Hart would immediately vacate the US title.

Doug Williams initially won the X Division Championship via a Money in the Bank style angle (Feast of Fired). He was going to be the face of the division since he quickly regained the title after it was stripped due to travel from England being grounded when the Icelandic volcano erupted. The TNA Global Championship was recently vacated.

Ring of Honor's reputation makes the Television Championship a reasonable option as a secondary championship.

The 100th Disgruntled's Real Five-Star Champion:
WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan (12/10/10 to 3/14/2011)
KofiMania is still eight years away. Television Champion Christopher Daniels was in a holding pattern, waiting for TNA to have him back.

The 101st Disgruntled's Real Five-Star Champion:
WWE United States Champion Sheamus (3/14/11 to 5/1/11)

The 102nd Disgruntled's Real Five-Star Champion:
WWE United States Champion Kofi Kingston (3) (5/1/11 to 6/19/11)

The 103rd Disgruntled's Real Five-Star Champion:

WWE United States Champion Dolph Ziggler (6/19/11 to 12/18/11)

I suppose we have to recognize this seemingly endless feud at some point. It sucks because this keeps El Generico out of this lineage, but the payoff of the feud is worth it.

The 104th Disgruntled's Real Five-Star Champion:

WWE United States Champion Zack Ryder (12/18/11 to 1/16/2012)

You have to recognize anytime WWE cares about paying attention to the audience's opinion over McMahon's laziness.

The 105th Disgruntled's Real Five-Star Champion:

WWE Intercontinental Champion Cody Rhodes (1/16/12 to 4/1/12)

He brought back the classic Intercontinental Championship Belt. This made things easier to swallow when Ryder never got the run he deserved. He was also in the midst of a 200+ day reign.

The 106th Disgruntled's Real Five-Star Champion:

TNA X Division Champion Austin Aries (4/1/12 to 9/11/12)

The Big Show won the IC belt so that he may finally have a true WrestleMania moment. Jack Swagger would lose the US belt to full-blown comedy act Santino Marella. Devon would end up vacating the TNA Television Championship. Jay Lethal was the TV champion because El Generico had a foot out the door to NXT.

Austin Aeries would hold the X Division Championship for 300 days to relinquish it to challenge (and win) the TNA World Championship. This shows that he was the second best in the company until he decided to prove he was greater than that.

The 107th Disgruntled's Real Five-Star Champion:

WWE United States Champion Antonio Cesaro (9/11/12 to 4/15/2013)

I think he was the best wrestler on the biggest stage. Adam Cole was yet to be the man who owned ROH. The Miz and Wade Barrett would be swapping the IC title through WrestleMania. The X Division Championship was vacated. The TNA Television Championship was to be deactivated.

WWE Renders & PNG - Pinterest

The 108th Disgruntled's Real Five-Star Champion:

WWE United States Champion Kofi Kingston (4) (4/15/13 to 5/19/13)

The 119th Disgruntled's Real Five-Star Champion:

ROH Television Champion Matt Taven (5/19/13 to 12/14/13)

The United States Championship was won by Dean Ambrose, but served only as a prop for The Shield. He rarely defended it during his 351-day reign and would lose it in a battle royal.

The Intercontinental Championship landed on Curtis Axel to make him a star. Ring of Honor would do the same when Taven won it. I think the results speak for themselves.

Chris Sabin could have followed in Aries footsteps from a year prior, but a goofy title change with The Greatest Man Whoever Lived (I witnessed it at the Peoria Civic Center) would not allow the X Division to return to this list.

The 120th Disgruntled's Real Five-Star Champion:

ROH Television Champion Tommaso Ciampa (12/14/13 to 4/4/2014)

It looks like this list will start getting easier to compose. With the ROH Television Championship having longer reigns, there should be less champions to note. The only downside to that is that it will be difficult to get a J Crown-like legacy. We will just have to see if the NXT North American Championship, the AEW TNT Championship, and the NWA National Championship can qualify. With a little help from New Japan Pro Wrestling, we might have a real crown.

We are just three straps away. Here is to the hernia that all this gold will bring.

It Is Not the WWE Universe. It Is the WWE Black Hole.